I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your penis caused this!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
