She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
