my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i've created a new STD.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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