Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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