Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
