he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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