Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
