I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
