She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
