the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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