I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
