i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
