I wish i was in the wii world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
