Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
