I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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