its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
