drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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