fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize