Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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