the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
