Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
