yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
