why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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