Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
