Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
