I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone shit on the floor
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
