Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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