I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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