Porn is love you can see.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
