Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
