sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
