I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
