it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My feet surprised me
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