Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
