yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
