it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize