the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
