Kiss
Puke
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize