he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize