Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
