I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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