You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
