He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish I only lived at night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
