She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
