i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
