I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
