girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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