He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
