Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
