you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
