This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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