I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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