I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize