some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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