you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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