Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you had me at cake vodka
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
