He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
