dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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