My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize