if i can run in heels then i can drive
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
