those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
