Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
