Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My pussy is not your playground.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
