he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
