Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
